evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dick very happy bro
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
