Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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