watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize