also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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