I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So squirting runs in the family.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
