I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
