hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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