dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
