I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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