his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
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In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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