the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
