If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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