He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize