piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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