her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
