id be glad to
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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