There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
