Farmville is her only friend.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
