On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
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I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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