Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
