very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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