Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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