you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
