I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
