I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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