How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
