I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
