Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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