i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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