is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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