My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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