giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also, beer. Big fan.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
