I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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