apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize