the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
