its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
