he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
