I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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