I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
