I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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