1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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