I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
