I bet he comes in French.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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