It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
