Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
