The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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