you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
