did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
