Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
