Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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