I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
