i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
