We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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