my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
