dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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