He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
