Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
